Shared Meaning Questionnaire for Couples

Think about how well you and your partner have been able to create a sense of shared meaning in your lives together. When people become committed to one another they create a new culture, and some relationships also involve the union of two very different cultures.

But even if two people are coming from the same regional, cultural, ethnic, and religious backgrounds, they will have been raised in two very different families, and their merging involves the creation of a new culture.

Use the questionnaire below to assess the shared meaning in your relationship. Then discuss what shows up differently for the two of you. The goal is not to align fully, but to understand each other deeply.Iif you need support, call a professional for help to guide you through these conversations and more.

Read each statement and mark TRUE or FALSE.

RITUALS

• Reunions at the end of each day in our home are generally special times in my day.
• During weekends, we do a lot of things together that we enjoy and value.
• I really look forward to and enjoy our vacations and the travel we do together.
• When we do errands together, we generally have a good time.
• We have ways of becoming renewed and refreshed when we are burned out or fatigued.

ROLES

• We share many similar values in our roles as lovers and partners.
• My partner and I have compatible views about the role of work in one’s life.
• My partner and I have compatible views about the role of work in one’s life.
• My partner and I have similar philosophies about balancing work and family life.
• My partner supports what I would see as my basic mission in life.
• My partner shares my views on the importance of family and kin (sisters, brothers, moms, dads) in our life together.

GOALS

• If I were to look back on my life in very old age, I think I would see that our paths in life had meshed very well.
• My partner values my own accomplishments.
• My partner honors my own very personal goals, unrelated to my relationship.
• We have very similar financial goals.
• Our hopes and aspirations, as individuals and together, for our children, for our life in general, and for our old age are quite compatible.

SYMBOLS

• We see eye-to-eye about what “home” means.
• We have similar views about the role of sex in our lives.
• We have similar views about the role of love and affection in our lives.
• We have similar values about the importance and meaning of money in our lives.
• We have similar values about “autonomy” and “independence.”

This questionnaire is based on the work of John and Julie Gottman and their “Shared Meaning” Questionnaire for couples

About Your Coach

Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD, CPC is a couples’ therapist turned relationship coach, retreat leader, and author specializing in intimacy, authenticity, shame-resilience, and connected communication for diverse relationships.

For over twelve years she has supported hundreds of clients creating fulfilling integrity-based relationships according to their own rules. She’s developed a solid framework based in neuroscience, nonviolent communication, and positive psychology research that has transformed diverse relationships around the world.

In 2020, she published her first book, Love More Fight Less, A Communication Workbook for Every Couple, and in 2024 her second book, Stay Curious: A Couples Guide to Staying Connected with Penguin Random House. She earned her Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy in 2010 from Saybrook University, after undergraduate and graduate degrees in Education from the University of Wisconsin and Indiana University. In 2019 she completed her Ph.D. in Spiritual Studies and Pastoral Counseling.

Gina was named Portland’s Best Life Coach in 2018 and 2019 and has taught psychology courses, communication workshops, couples intimacy retreats, and guest lectured on alternative relationships and sex-positive therapy at universities across the U.S. Students love her no-nonsense presentation style.

Her podcast, Swoon has helped over 10,000 listeners build a more compassionate, creative, confident, and fulfilled society. Gina offers practical, proven skills to transform relationships in deeply meaningful ways.

These conversation starters were originally published on heygina.com and nonmonogamous.com from 2014–2021.