Conversation Starters for Couples: Let’s Talk Kink
Couples who stay curious about each other, engaged in learning about their partners, open to growing together fare better long-term.
They’re able to adapt to changes and navigate bumps in the road with resilience. And they maintain passion and intimacy by fueling a sense of discovery and space for fascination, mystery, and surprise.
Every week I send out 5–10 simple questions to deepen your partnership to help you foster and nourish the intimacy you share with those most important to you.
Even if you are single, these questions are designed to spark personal reflection, grow individual awareness, and help you shape relationships in healthy ways.
I’ll also include tips for making the most of sharing these reflections with a partner. I hope these help you connect in meaningful ways with someone you love.
This week I am focusing on sexual adventures and kink, which lots of couples avoid talking about altogether. If you notice it’s too challenging to talk about sex with a partner I urge you to seek professional help to assist you in communicating your wants, fantasies, and boundaries clearly.
Warmly, Gina
Conversation Starters for Couples: Let’s Talk Kink
- What does the word “kinky” mean to you? In what ways do you fit that definition?
- What is the most creative sexual situation you’ve imagined being involved in?
- How does pain relate to the pleasure in your sexual life?
- What makes it easier for you to try new things sexually? What barriers arise between you and more sexual adventurousness?
- What are your sexual turn-offs? Which are automatic shut-offs and which decrease your interest?
- Are there specific sexual words that make you uncomfortable?
- What do you like most about kissing? Making out? How is making out different from sex in your mind?
- Which parts of your body do you most enjoy being massaged? Kissed? Praised?
- What helps you gain confidence as a lover?
Quick tips for using these questions:
Be present. Set aside some fully-present distraction-free time to ask and respond to these with someone you love. Put down your phone, walk away from any screens, and give your partner your full presence.
Stay open to possibility. Even if you think you know your partner’s responses listen to them without assumption so they have room to surprise you.
Show up. Offer responses in complete sentences and challenge yourself to elaborate. This isn’t about being brief- it’s about growing a more intimate connection. Add specifics and details to offer more of yourself to your partner.
Really engage. Ask your partner follow-up questions. Part of this process is about engaging with your partner in meaningful ways. Asking more follow-up questions will show you care and broaden the conversation.
Connect with others. Collect all the questions and take them on a date night, dinner party, road trips, and campfires to inspire more meaningful conversation with your community.
About Your Coach
Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD, CPC is a couples’ therapist turned relationship coach, retreat leader, and author specializing in intimacy, authenticity, shame-resilience, and connected communication for diverse relationships.
For seventeen years she’s supported hundreds of clients creating fulfilling integrity-based relationships according to their own rules. She’s developed a solid framework based in neuroscience, nonviolent communication, and positive psychology research that has transformed diverse relationships around the world.
In 2020, she published her first book, Love More Fight Less, A Communication Workbook for Every Couple, and in 2024 her second book, Stay Curious: A Couples Guide to Staying Connected with Penguin Random House. She earned her Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy in 2010 from Saybrook University, after undergraduate and graduate degrees in Education from the University of Wisconsin and Indiana University. In 2019 she completed her Ph.D. in Spiritual Studies and Pastoral Counseling.
Gina was named Portland’s Best Life Coach in 2018 and 2019 and has taught psychology courses, communication workshops, couples intimacy retreats, and guest lectured on alternative relationships and sex-positive therapy at universities across the U.S. Students love her no-nonsense presentation style.
Her podcast, Swoon has helped over 10,000 listeners build a more compassionate, creative, confident, and fulfilled society. Gina offers practical, proven skills to transform relationships in deeply meaningful ways.
These posts were originally published on heygina.com and nonmonogamous.com from 2014–2021.